Day 2....

It's just "whatever", numb mode. Last night, after my blog, I went into "fix" mode. Going back and forth, unsure what I was doing or what I wanted. Even as things seemed to be mildly better, I was praying in the back of my head that God would not allow things to get fixed. That's pretty messed up, huh?? Actions completely conflicting what my spirit is praying...IN THE SAME MOMENT. Ugh.

And today....? More hurt, less tears, same confusion. It's the "whatever" part I guess. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. One hour I'm going, the next hour I'm coming. Though the intense tension is gone, there's still no resolution....which is what I ultimately want, but not what I feel like I want in this moment.

Why can't this just be right?? Why can't this be ok for me, and my kids?
Onto another day.